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ROCKS OFF - The Rolling Stones Message Board › GENERAL › MAIN BOARD › Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones

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Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones (Read 1,772 times)

Ten Thousand Motels

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Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones
Apr 19^th, 2009 at 7:25am

Susan Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones
by Abel Rodriguez
Story written: 18 April 2009
The Spoof.com

LONDON - Susan Boyle, the 47-year-old singing sensation, who until recently hadn't been kissed, has just been signed to go on tour with none other than the Rolling Stones.

Miss Boyle told a reporter for the BBC that it is a dream come true. She said that she first memorized the lyrics to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" when she was a wee girl of 8.

She added that when she was 10-years-old, she sang "Get Off Of My Cloud" at her cousin Mopsie's birthday party 15 times in a row.

She laughed and said that her Uncle Troy finally took the microphone away from her and sent her to the grocery store for some drinking straws.

Mick Jagger was asked what he thought about Miss Boyle and he said that he has been in the music business for over 50 years and he has never heard a female singer with a purer voice than Susan's.

Stones' guitarist Ron Wood was asked what he thought about Boyle and he replied that if he didn't already have a 20-year-old girlfriend he would jump at the chance to be Susan's boyfriend.

Jagger said that he would love to record a romantic duet with the 'British Babe.'

He then turned to his lead guitarist Keith Richards and said that Susan is probably the best opening act that they have ever had.

Keith smiled and told Mick that he had just heard that the Rolling Stones were actually going to be Susan Boyle's opening act.

Mick started laughing and he laughed so hard, that he fell off his chair and landed on the hardwood floor. He looked up at Susan and told her that he had a boo-boo on his lips and asked her to kiss it.

Susan instantly reached down and put a lip lock on Mick's triple botoxed lips and didn't stop kissing until Charley (Watts), Keith (Richards) and Ron (Wood) forcibly pulled her off of their lead singer.

In a related story. It is being reported by CNN's Wolf Blitzer that Lindsay Lohan told him that she has fallen in love with Susan Boyle. Lilo reportedly said, "Samantha who?"

« Last Edit: Apr 19^th, 2009 at 8:10am by Ten Thousand Motels »

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Heart Of Stone Rocks Off Regular Offline Rocks Off Rules Posts: 4,001 Charlottetown Prince Edward Is Gender:	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #1 - Apr 19^th, 2009 at 7:47am The laugh of the day.
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LadyJane Rocks Off Regular Offline Stones Purist Posts: 4,928 Gender:	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #2 - Apr 19^th, 2009 at 10:02am Have you seen the video? I defy anyone to watch this and NOT get a huge lump in their throat regardless your taste in music. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nox2DRCAKxk LJ.
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Sioux Rocks Off Regular Offline Brian Jones---Foundation Stone--Golden Stone Posts: 4,176 Virginia, U.S.A. Gender:	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #3 - Apr 19^th, 2009 at 10:40am Yes, I saw the video the other day. Such an inspiring story! I LOVED it. Hey, yeah. Maybe she CAN open for the Stones next time out...
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Kilroy Rocks Off Regular Offline I love this place! Posts: 2,860 Mickville Virginny USA Gender:	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #4 - Apr 19^th, 2009 at 11:28am Just like todays Photo, You can't Judge a book by it cover now can you. Go Susan. We have not Heard the last from you I hope.
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Heart Of Stone Rocks Off Regular Offline Rocks Off Rules Posts: 4,001 Charlottetown Prince Edward Is Gender:	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #5 - Apr 19^th, 2009 at 12:43pm yes, I too was very moved by her performance, at first they thought she was going be a joke, well, she sure changed their attitude as soon as the first few bars were sung, & finally someone get's that Simon guy to actual smile.
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Egon Rocks Off Regular Offline LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLLING STONES Posts: 1,882 A Dutchy in Marseille, France Gender:	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #6 - Apr 19^th, 2009 at 12:44pm prefab scripted shit. The judged looking "suprised" that she can sing. Like they didn't know beforehand. I fucking hate these shows.
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glencar

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Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones
Reply #7 - Apr 19^th, 2009 at 3:38pm

LadyJane wrote on Apr 19^th, 2009 at 10:02am:

Have you seen the video?

I defy anyone to watch this and NOT get a huge lump in their throat regardless your taste in music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nox2DRCAKxk

LJ.

She looks like a hag but sings like a bird. No, one shouldn't judge on looks alone. She has a certain dignity to her also.

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glencar Ex Member	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #8 - Apr 19^th, 2009 at 3:41pm Maybe TTM will now go bore Susan Boyle boards? BTW http://www.nypost.com/seven/04182009/postopinion/opedcolumnists/fairytale_ending...
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gimmekeef Rocks Off Regular Offline Posts: 5,753 Ontario Canada Gender:	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #9 - Apr 19^th, 2009 at 3:44pm A nice story in todays chaos but reality shows are so staged hope we dont hear this is a Milli Vanilli......
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glencar Ex Member	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #10 - Apr 19^th, 2009 at 3:46pm The chick with the crooked nose who makes that nasty face at about 1:06 must be so ashamed right about now. But let's face it: most of us would have had the same reaction.
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platter Ex Member	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #11 - Apr 19^th, 2009 at 3:53pm now here is a gal with a voice...much better than marianne faithfulls. i actually bet she could pull off 2-3 numbers before a stones gig...i think the arenas and small clubs [if ever there will be anymore of those] would be more her style.
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platter Ex Member	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #12 - Apr 19^th, 2009 at 3:56pm Quote: She looks like a hag but sings like a bird. No, one shouldn't judge on looks alone. She has a certain dignity to her also. me thinks if she was a tad prettier she would heve been signed a long time ago.
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Edith Grove

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Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones
Reply #13 - Apr 20^th, 2009 at 6:29am

The Eagles To Become Susan Boyle's Backup Band

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Story written: 19 April 2009

LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell, who is Susan Boyle's manager, has just disclosed to the news media that he has signed the California-based band, The Eagles to be Miss Boyle's backup band on her upcoming summer concert tour.

Cowell added that the Eagles have now come full circle since back in the early 70s they were Linda Ronstadt's backup band before going on to world-wide fame.

He stated that he has spoken to Neil Diamond, Neil Sedaka, Neil Young, and Neil Simon and that each has agreed to write one or two songs for Susan's upcoming first album tentatively titled, "Susan Boyle - Boiling Over With Talented Talent."

When Cowell was asked if he was going to give Miss Boyle a complete glamour makeover, he replied that he was not.

He then disclosed that the reason that he decided not to was because if he did give her a glamour makeover he would merely be turning her into just another Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, or Christina Aguilera.

Don Henley and Glenn Frey, two of the founding members of the Eagles, have both said that they are really looking forward to entering the recording studio and singing backup vocals for Susan.

Frey remarked that when he first heard that Miss Boyle was going to be touring with The Rolling Stones that he did get a little bit jealous. He then remarked, "But hey, We've got her now."

Henley says that he can hardly wait to tour with Susan because he heard that she knows a lot of adult-themed jokes.

He also heard that she is an excellent cook and that she has already stated that she plans to do some good old-fashioned English cooking for the members of her backup band.

Simon Cowell has stated that he has chosen two of the songs that Miss Boyle will be recording for her album and the songs are both old Eagles songs "New Kid In Town" and "Life In The Fast Lane."

In a related story. The nation's "First Kiddoes" Malia and Sasha received two pet bunnies over the Easter holidays. Malia has named her's Susan and Sasha has named her's Boyle.

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i51537

“What rap did that was impressive was to show there are so many tone-deaf people out there,” he says. “All they need is a drum beat and somebody yelling over it and they’re happy. There’s an enormous market for people who can’t tell one note from another.” - Keef

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Heart Of Stone Rocks Off Regular Offline Rocks Off Rules Posts: 4,001 Charlottetown Prince Edward Is Gender:	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #14 - Apr 20^th, 2009 at 7:26am Who's next, The Who???
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LadyJane Rocks Off Regular Offline Stones Purist Posts: 4,928 Gender:	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #15 - Apr 20^th, 2009 at 7:30am I'd rather listen to Miss Boyle than THE EAGLES!!! SHIVER. LJ.
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Gazza Unholy Trinity Admin Offline Rat Bastid "We piss anywhere, man.." Posts: 13,213 Belfast, UK Gender:	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #16 - Apr 20^th, 2009 at 7:37am LadyJane wrote on Apr 20^th, 2009 at 7:30am: I'd rather listen to Miss Boyle than THE EAGLES!!! SHIVER. LJ. I'd rather listen to Joey's bowel movements than the Eagles. Anyway, the whole "Susan Boyle with insert rock star of your choice" joke is running a bit thin now.
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corgi37 Rocks Off Regular Offline Rocks Off Rules You Bastards Posts: 1,559 Aussie land Gender:	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #17 - Apr 20^th, 2009 at 8:09am She's a sea hag!
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gimmekeef

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Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones
Reply #18 - Apr 20^th, 2009 at 2:28pm

Gazza wrote on Apr 20^th, 2009 at 7:37am:

LadyJane wrote on Apr 20^th, 2009 at 7:30am:

I'd rather listen to Miss Boyle than THE EAGLES!!!
SHIVER.

LJ.

I'd rather listen to Joey's bowel movements than the Eagles.

Anyway, the whole "Susan Boyle with insert rock star of your choice" joke is running a bit thin now.

LOL..More than the Joey bowel movement mentions?

"Runnin Like A Cat In A Thunderstorm"

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Joey I Have No Life! Offline Posts: 20,262 Omaha , NE Gender:	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #19 - Apr 20^th, 2009 at 2:33pm " I'd rather listen to Joey's bowel movements than the Eagles. " WHAT .. ?! .. !!!! : !!!!
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glencar Ex Member	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #20 - Apr 20^th, 2009 at 2:36pm See just looking at that cover gives me the willies. They are so creepy it's not even funny.
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Joey I Have No Life! Offline Posts: 20,262 Omaha , NE Gender:	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #21 - Apr 20^th, 2009 at 2:59pm " They are so creepy it's not even funny " creepy ...... ?! CREEPY ..... ?! .. !!!!!!! I got's your creepy right HERE !!!! : \| \| V
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glencar Ex Member	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #22 - Apr 20^th, 2009 at 3:04pm What we do.
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platter Ex Member	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #23 - Apr 20^th, 2009 at 5:00pm i would rather listen to miss boyle and the eagles. i'll pass on the bowel movement sounds.
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caro Rocks Off Regular Offline Posts: 128 France Gender:	Re: Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones Reply #24 - Apr 21^st, 2009 at 6:28am Yikes! You guys actually like the way she sings ? Even if I put aside the fact that this style of music is not my cup of tea -- her vibrato is still horrid. Good for her and all, but the whole Cinderella-storyline is seriously getting on my nerves.
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