Kelly Osbourne Takes Up Hot Air Ballooning
August 7th, 2008
by the Marquis d'Arlandes
Daily Squib

http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/tpllib/img.phpim=cat_117/1439.jpg&w=240&h=247

LONDON - England - The multi-talented offspring of Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne plans on an epic hot air balloon journey over the Atlantic ocean.

Kelly Osbourne is going to follow the famous Montgolfier Brothers who undertook the first ever manned flight of a hot air balloon on November 21st 1783.

Kelly has already acquired a valid Private Pilot's Licence: PPL(B) and is now about to acquire her commercial balloon licence: CPL(B).

Her agent, Rona McWurter told the BBC: "Kelly has worked very hard for this licence and wants it very much. Her parents paid alot of money for the three month training which costs in excess of £145,000. She feels that she wants this under her belt to complement her many other talents."

Kelly's multitude of talents include pantomime acting, parties, eating and being the daughter of Sharon and Ozzy.

Last year there was a crisis meeting in the Osbourne household as to what Kelly could do for a career. They even tried introducing Kelly to her father's pet loving ways by giving her some bats so that she could bite their heads off but she fluffed that as well.

"Kelly ate the whole bat including the wings. She was just meant to bite the head off like her dad does but she ate the whole thing while it was still alive. It was still flapping and she even wanted more bats," an Osbourne family attendant revealed to the BBC news.

The epic balloon voyage will be a coming-of-age journey for Kelly and she will film the trip with a camera which will be made into a television reality show.

The Atlantic ballooning journey will take place in September and will commence from London's Parliament Hill and end in New York city near the statue of Liberty.

The whole journey across the Atlantic will take approximately three weeks depending on weather and wind conditions, however ballooning experts think that if Kelly catches a nice solid gust of wind she can make it earlier.

This is the defining moment in Kelly Osbourne's career as a media celebrity daughter of the Osbourne clan and will be a huge test for the star.

"I've always had a fu**ing interest in the fu**ing world of fu**ing ballooning. Ballooning is fu**ing great innit? Give me another teacake you fu**ing piece of sh*t. What do I fu**ing pay you for? I said get me another fu**ing cheeseburger as well you stupid c*nt. Did I say you can look at me? No! Now get down there and clean up my fu**ing vomit."

Looks like Violet Beauregarde.

dude...

seriously...

is it possible to make a more useless post than this???

you're setting the bar for suckage lately. lately? who am i kidding? your career suckage rating is at the level of spergon wynn.

are we allowed to take pot-shots at the balloon?

she's been full of hot air for years - time she was deflated.

her boobs are big enough, if she crashes in the water, she will probably float.

"Multi-Talented"...At what? Eating and shitting.

left shoe shuffle wrote on Aug 8^th, 2008 at 4:27pm:



I don't think he can read, he phones in his posts!

left shoe shuffle wrote on Aug 8^th, 2008 at 5:04pm:


What an idiot redneck cracker as cracker. You gotta use duct tape, you can't trust your grip only.

Lately, when I drink booze my stomach urges me to take a dump.

Stop picking on her! Sure, she's a little chunky, but fat people make the most delicious lovemaking in the world. Take my word as an advice: marry one of them curvy women. Even if you're gay. You'll feel sorry if you won't do it. So why do you want to be feeling sorry? It makes the plants and the trees of the world so sad just to think about it.

BONOISLOVE wrote on Aug 10^th, 2008 at 7:17pm:


If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life make an ugly woman your wife....