A loan for Kermit

The Trucker Staff
Trucker.com
7/9/2008

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday," the frog says.

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out  there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

open-g wrote on Jul 9^th, 2008 at 7:05am:


Whew. That's kinda fucked up.

open-g wrote on Jul 9^th, 2008 at 2:19pm:


Oh it did. I didn't know the joke was old though....just stale and lame. But...if no one had heard it before I thought it might elicit a choke or  a cringe.

Awright - ready for another old one?


Beer Troubleshooting

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT:   Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION:  Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT:   Improper bladder control.
ACTION:  Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT:   Glass empty.
ACTION:  Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT:   You have fallen over backward.
ACTION:  Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT:   You have fallen forward.
ACTION:  See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT:   Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION:  Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT:   You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION:  Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT:   You are being carried out.
ACTION:  Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT:   Bar has closed.
ACTION:  Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT:   Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION:  Cover mouth. 

______________________

Confucius say

"Man who run in front of car get tired"

"Man who run behind car get exhausted"

"Man with one hand in pocket not necessarily jingling change"

"To prevent hangover stay drunk!"

"Passionate kiss like spiders web - soon lead to undoing of fly."

"Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!"

"Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."

"Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok

"Man with one chopstick go hungry."

"Man trapped in whore house get jerked around."

"Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."

"Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."

"Man with hand in pocket is having a ball."

"Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!"

"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."

"Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!"

"War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."

"Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house."

"Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night."

"Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!"

"If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people."

"Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"

"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."

"Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."

"Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!"

"Man who sit on tack get point!"

"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"

"Man who lives in glass house should change in basement"

"Boy who go to bed with sexual problem wake up with problem in hand"

"He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs."

"People who make Confucius joke speak bad English."

well i know mick had sex with a giraffe but a frog?

open-g wrote on Jul 10^th, 2008 at 7:07pm:


"man who drink with underage girl end up behind bar"