Well, I guess it's time to talk about BDSM and abuse here, especially since Fetlife ("facebook for kinky people") has become invite-only. One might assume that abuse is more common in BDSM than in regular vanilla relationships but this has not been my experience. Unfortunately, abusers are all too commonly found both inside and outside the BDSM world.
But I was a newbie submissive once (I'm still a switch, actually) so here are my big three tips to newbies subs:
1. Avoid isolation. It's not a good sign if your dominant wants to isolate you. Why would they want to do that? Maybe they're jealous, afraid that another dominant will steal you, but you should consider the idea that it might be to deprive you of support. Your best support system when you're a newbie sub is other subs. It's a really bad sign if your dominant doesn't want to associate even with others subs.
2. Have an out. Even if it means sleeping on someone's couch! Don't let your dominant completely take over your life unless and until you're sure that they're the one. That said, if you don't want your dominant to take over your life, don't let them. Again, it's a very bad sign if they insist.
3. "But that's how it's done. Everyone does this." That doesn't matter even if it were true and it almost certainly isn't. BDSM practitioners don't have to be 24/7 (in fact, most aren't). No, you don't have to accept that your dominant has other subs and/or lovers. Not every BDSM relationship includes punishment or pain. I like daddy/daughter roleplay myself but some people have a problem with it. If you hate calling him Daddy and he insists then he's crossing a line there. If it's forced upon you, it's become abusive. You don't have to do anything you don't really want to.
Is it possible for the dominant in a BDSM to become the abused partner? Unfortunately, yes. In fact, it happened to me. This is most likely in cases where the dominant is financially dependent on the sub but can also happen when kids are involved. In either case, the sub becomes manipulative and threatens the dominant to keep them in the relationship and doing exactly what the sub wants. If you don't want to do something and someone is making you do it, then you're in an abusive situation. Brat-type subs are probably the most likely to become emotionally abusive but they're not the only ones who can.
You can find lots of BDSM links with a google search but my favorite site is
The Literotica BDSM Talk Forum. Their
BDSM Library has a lot of info for BDSM practitioners in general, not just newbies, but some links will probably be dead.