Google Earth destroyed by Google Asteroid 
The digital doomsday of a Google Asteroid wiping out Google Earth – which has gone dark – has come true for thousands of Google Earth inhabitants. “It’s a sad, sad day for people with nothing better to do,” Google Earth user Jason Malley says.By Jon Bogran
The Levee digital doomsday writer
PALO ALTO, Calif. – Google scientists grimly reported yesterday that the doomsday scenario they have secretly dreaded for years has finally come to pass – Google Earth, the beloved virtual planet allowing users to indulge random, voyeuristic whims, has been obliterated by a massive, 47 megabyte-wide asteroid.
Only fragments of the once pristine sphere floating idly in fake space remained after the impact, loosed forever from its programmed cohesion and no longer capable of supporting Google life.
Google Sky users first spotted the incoming digital asteroid, LOL-6969, in 2011, but the magnitude of the threat only became clear earlier this year when Google astronomers confirmed a collision was inevitable.
“Gone are the days of admiring aerial shots of the house you lost your virginity in,” Chief Google nerdologist Simon P. Dorkberger said. “No more are the worthless afternoons spent at the office, gawking at a bird’s-eye view of weird Japanese buildings, or checking out what your house looked like before all the landscaping and with some strange van parked in front of it.”
Grief over the supposed tragedy is shared by thousands of avid Google Earth users across real Earth.
“Now how are we going to scour the topography of Iran and argue over whether an obscure structure in the desert is actually a secret nuclear development facility? Mapquest?” Google Earth user Jason Malley said. “It’s a sad, sad day for people with nothing better to do.”
When asked if the demise of the planet could have been averted, Google software engineer James Rosen said all justifiable measures were taken.
“Our first plan was to delete the asteroid immediately. Unfortunately, purging legitimate data from Google servers is against company policy,” Rosen said.
“We had also considered packing a group of miscreant avatars into a digital spaceship and flying them to the surface of the asteroid, where they might drill a 64-bit nuke into the rock’s center and attempt to blow it apart from within,” Rosen continued.
“But ultimately we agreed that we’d rather see the whole planet blown to smithereens than to resort to emulating anything remotely resembling the plot to ‘Armaggedon.’ At least this way the planet got to go out with some dignity.”
Users hold out hope that a small number of survivors may have escaped to Google Mars prior to the collision.
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