ROCKS OFF - The Rolling Stones Message Board

Bingo Rocks Off Regular Offline Exiled from IORR Posts: 942 Gender:	Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself For Jul 7^th, 2012 at 11:02am http://www.theonion.com/articles/keith-richards-housekeeper-has-braced-herself-f...
Back to top	« Last Edit: Jul 7^th, 2012 at 3:36pm by Voodoo Chile in Wonderland » IP Logged

gimmekeef Rocks Off Regular Offline Posts: 5,759 Ontario Canada Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #1 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 11:16am 30 ambulance calls? pure bs...............and I doubt she still works for Keith....if she ever really did
Back to top	"Runnin Like A Cat In A Thunderstorm" IP Logged

Sioux Rocks Off Regular Offline Brian Jones---Foundation Stone--Golden Stone Posts: 4,176 Virginia, U.S.A. Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #2 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 11:16am Ha! If true, he'll probably outlive HER....
Back to top	"When you change with every new day, still I'm going to miss you, Brian" IP Logged

Paranoid Android Rocks Off Regular Offline The Rocks Off Ladies Rule You Bastards!! Posts: 6,342 Chapel Hill, NC Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #3 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 11:37am Uhm...guys...it's The Onion... Like getting your celebrity gossip from Mad Magazine
Back to top	IP Logged

sweetcharmedlife Rocks Off Regular Offline Do the horrendous to that if you can Posts: 11,943 San Mateo Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #4 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 11:56am How original. More jokes about the Stones being old.
Back to top	I'll shoot it to you straight and look you in the eye So gimme just a minute and I'll tell you why IP Logged

Bitch

Rocks Off Regular

Offline

I always get my Rocks
Off!

Posts: 4,904
FL - USA
Gender: female

Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself
Reply #5 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 1:47pm

Even though Richards is no longer the heavy drug user he once was, Velasquez said the likelihood of finding him dead today is probably about the same as it was in the 1970s.

"Mr. Richards is old enough now he could die from natural causes, which is a possibility I never would have imagined 30 years ago," the housekeeper said. "Personally, I kind of wish he would just die already, because his lifestyle has certainly taken its toll on my health."

Personally, I would fire her for making that statement. Fvcking idiotic thing to say. She probably is overpaid too.

Back to top

IP Logged

Gazza

Unholy Trinity Admin

Offline

Rat Bastid "We piss
anywhere, man.."

Posts: 13,231
Belfast, UK
Gender: male

Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself
Reply #6 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 2:12pm

Bitch wrote on Jul 7^th, 2012 at 1:47pm:

Even though Richards is no longer the heavy drug user he once was, Velasquez said the likelihood of finding him dead today is probably about the same as it was in the 1970s.

"Mr. Richards is old enough now he could die from natural causes, which is a possibility I never would have imagined 30 years ago," the housekeeper said. "Personally, I kind of wish he would just die already, because his lifestyle has certainly taken its toll on my health."

Personally, I would fire her for making that statement. Fvcking idiotic thing to say. She probably is overpaid too.

You do realise this is a spoof?

Oh no! not you again

Back to top

IP Logged

Gazza Unholy Trinity Admin Offline Rat Bastid "We piss anywhere, man.." Posts: 13,231 Belfast, UK Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #7 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 2:13pm Paranoid Android wrote on Jul 7^th, 2012 at 11:37am: Uhm...guys...it's The Onion... Like getting your celebrity gossip from Mad Magazine Every few months, the Onion do a Stones spoof. And without fail, Stones fans take it seriously. I thought it was fucking funny.
Back to top	IP Logged

Paranoid Android Rocks Off Regular Offline The Rocks Off Ladies Rule You Bastards!! Posts: 6,342 Chapel Hill, NC Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #8 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 2:59pm The print version is not available everywhere. When I managed a bar in DC, we had an Onion stand...it's a free weekly. It was hilarious watching tourists react to some of the more outrageous articles and columns...cluless to the fact that it was a total parody/spoof.
Back to top	IP Logged

Bingo Rocks Off Regular Offline Exiled from IORR Posts: 942 Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #9 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 3:03pm I believe the reactions to this "article" are funnier than the article.
Back to top	IP Logged

sweetcharmedlife Rocks Off Regular Offline Do the horrendous to that if you can Posts: 11,943 San Mateo Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #10 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 5:11pm Making Rolling Stones are old jokes is like shooting fish in a barrel. I bet they call their next tour the Steel Wheelchairs tour.
Back to top	I'll shoot it to you straight and look you in the eye So gimme just a minute and I'll tell you why IP Logged

Bitch Rocks Off Regular Offline I always get my Rocks Off! Posts: 4,904 FL - USA Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #11 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 7:22pm Wtf? I should be embarassed, believe it, I'm not, No truth in that article at all, she isnt really KEEFs housekeeper or she is but the story is made up complete crap? Wth. Overpaid journalist.
Back to top	IP Logged

Paranoid Android

Rocks Off Regular

Offline

The Rocks Off Ladies Rule
You Bastards!!

Posts: 6,342
Chapel Hill, NC
Gender: male

Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself
Reply #12 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 7:40pm

Bitch...Ellen...Dear...

I am surprised you don't know The Onion...seeing as you are close to the center of the universe...NYC...I knew it from NY originally...

THE ONION...is a weekly newspaper...and has been around in various formats for many many years...weekly print...ONION Radio...entire coffee table books of parodies, spoofs and humor stories abound...

Like National Lampoon, Mad Magazine, complete satire...not "made up" like some tabloid Weekly World News or such...
Real funny stuff...been around since late 80's...you may have seen it but never really taken notice of it...

http://www.theonion.com/

Back to top

IP Logged

Bitch Rocks Off Regular Offline I always get my Rocks Off! Posts: 4,904 FL - USA Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #13 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 7:48pm Reading it as a satire, its still not funny to me. But thanks for letting me know that, I'll look for the onion next time I go to the city again, maybe next month for Bobby's gig w/ suffering basrrds,
Back to top	IP Logged

Pdog Rocks Off Regular Offline Posts: 6,130 aTx Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #14 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 9:30pm Paranoid Android wrote on Jul 7^th, 2012 at 11:37am: Uhm...guys...it's The Onion... Like getting your celebrity gossip from Mad Magazine thank you... lol.... Onion rocks, I read the print version whenever I can grab it... so funny!
Back to top	IP Logged

sweetcharmedlife Rocks Off Regular Offline Do the horrendous to that if you can Posts: 11,943 San Mateo Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #15 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 9:59pm I know The Onion and it still isn't funny....Seriously a fucking kindergardner, or Fox news (same thing). Could come up with something better.....Next thing you'll tell me Keith outlived Michael Jackson. That's just....oh wait.
Back to top	I'll shoot it to you straight and look you in the eye So gimme just a minute and I'll tell you why IP Logged

Bingo Rocks Off Regular Offline Exiled from IORR Posts: 942 Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #16 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 10:40pm Someone pissed on SCL's sourdough bread.
Back to top	IP Logged

sirmoonie Rocks Off Regular Offline Posts: 3,479 Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #17 - Jul 7^th, 2012 at 10:42pm Even as satire, The Onion is the best goddam thought-provoking journalism in Western culture. The Bush Geeks couldn't stand The Onion, which is reason enough to read it.
Back to top	"But in terms of what's left of white people, we're still it." - Andrew Moof Oldham IP Logged

Bingo Rocks Off Regular Offline Exiled from IORR Posts: 942 Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #18 - Jul 8^th, 2012 at 10:13am http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/mick-jagger-affair-carla-bruni-e...
Back to top	IP Logged

Paranoid Android Rocks Off Regular Offline The Rocks Off Ladies Rule You Bastards!! Posts: 6,342 Chapel Hill, NC Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #19 - Jul 8^th, 2012 at 10:50am Bingo wrote on Jul 8^th, 2012 at 10:13am: http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/mick-jagger-affair-carla-bruni-e... "'ll be your mistress forever,' future first lady of France wrote to married Rolling Stones frontman Big deal...Even i have told Mick that!
Back to top	IP Logged

Steel Wheels Rocks Off Regular Offline Much love and support to my dear friend Mary! Posts: 2,686 2,000 Light Years From Home Gender:	Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself Reply #20 - Jul 8^th, 2012 at 4:18pm The Onion is very popular. I'm shocked more people here don't know it. I don't bother with it and I certainly won't now. I don't think jokes about what they are joking about are funny.
Back to top	I LIVE FOR THE ROLLING STONES! Registered: Aug 2003, Posts on the old board: 1120 Devoted Stones fan since time began. SMILE. THE ROLLING STONES ARE HERE. IP Logged

Gazza

Unholy Trinity Admin

Offline

Rat Bastid "We piss
anywhere, man.."

Posts: 13,231
Belfast, UK
Gender: male

Re: Keith Richards' Housekeeper Has Braced Herself
Reply #21 - Jul 8^th, 2012 at 6:26pm

Steel Wheels wrote on Jul 8^th, 2012 at 4:18pm:

The Onion is very popular. I'm shocked more people here don't know it. I don't bother with it and I certainly won't now. I don't think jokes about what they are joking about are funny.

I would bet that Keith would laugh his arse off at it. He's pandered to that 'rock star most likely to die next' image for decades, and seems somewhat proud of it.

He certainly found the palm trees being waved at him on the 2006 European tour very amusing.

Fortunately, the Stones take themselves a lot less seriously than many of their fans do.

Back to top

IP Logged