sweetcharmedlife wrote on Feb 21^st, 2012 at 1:02pm:

hey...just tryin' to boost my post count.

Starbuck wrote on Feb 21^st, 2012 at 3:47pm:

Bucky? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgV4kzAdKmU

A young Cajun from Thibodeaux goes off to college at LSU. Half way through
the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They
actually have a program here at LSU that will teach your dog, Ol' Blue how
to talk!";

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?";

"Just send him to Baton Rouge with $1,000" the young Cajun says "I'll get
him in the course.";

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000 to Baton Rouge .

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out.
The boy calls home.

"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't
believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the
animals how to read!";

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?";

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class.";

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the
year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So at
years end, on the way home, he stops the pickup truck, gets out and shoots
Ol' Blue.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
"Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!";

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before
we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the
recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does.

Then he turned to me and asked, " is your dad still messing around with that
redhead who lives down the street?";

The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that SOB before he talks to your
Mother!";

The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. As a
Congressman.

lavendar wrote on Feb 24^th, 2012 at 8:22pm:

Very sad new years joke, very sad!

LOL

HaHaHaHa  Love the woo woo......

When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know,
but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at homs when I remembered
a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying
'Hello.'

I politely said,
'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly, a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f***ing number!'
And the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number

to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed

the last two digits.

After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
'You're an asshole!'
And hung up.

I wrote his number down

with the word 'asshole' next to it,
And put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an asshole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our

Caller ID Program?'

He yelled
'NO!'
And slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an asshole!'
And hung up.

One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot

I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled

that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later,
right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.                          

I said,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said,
'Yes, it is.'

I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said,
'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax
It's a yellow ranch style house

and the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked,
'What's your name?'

He said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said,
'Yes?'

I said,
'Don, you're an asshole!'

Then I hung up,
and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem,
I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea.....

I called asshole #1.

He said,
'Hello'

I said,
'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked,
'Are you still there?'

I said,
'Yeah!'

He screamed,
'Stop calling me'

I said,
'Make me.'

He asked,
'Who are you?'

I said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said,
'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax,
a yellow ranch style home and
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,'
and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said,
'Hello?'

I said,
'Hello, asshole,'

He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are.....'

I said,
'You'll what?'

He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your ass!'

I answered,
'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, to kill my gay lover!

Then I called Channel 7 News
about the gang war going down on Oaktree Blvdin Fairfax.....





I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax.

I got there just in time to watch two assholes
beating the crap out of each other.....
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter,
and surrounded by a news crew!!!

NOW I feel much better!

Anger management really does work.

www.scissorsheldon.com

Edith Grove wrote on Jul 17^th, 2012 at 3:41pm:

Edith?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk_-XWpUFmU

I was visiting my son last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century', he said. 'I don't waste money on newspapers.

Here, you can borrow my iPad.'


I can tell you, that damn fly never knew what hit it.