A redneck with a bucket full of live fish was approached recently by a game  warden in Central Mississippi as he started to drive his boat away from a
lake. The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"
"Naw, sir," replied the redneck.  "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yep.  Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let  'em swim 'round for a while.  Then when I whistle, they swim right back into
my net and I take 'em home."

"What a line...you're under arrest."

The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment Man.  I'll show ya!  We do this all the time!"

"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden.  "PROVE it!"

The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.  After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"

"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.

The warden asked, "When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH," replied the warden!

"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.


MORAL OF THE STORY:

We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.

You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.

Sister Ann joins a Silent Monastery & after 5 yrs they say to her, "You may speak 2 words". Sister Ann says, "Hard bed". "Sorry". They reply, "We’ll get you a better bed". After 5 more yrs, they again say to her. "You may say 2 more words". "Cold food". Sister Ann replies. They tell her, "We'll try to make the food better." After 15 yrs they again say to her, "You may say 2 words". "I quit" she replied. "Good" they said, "You've done nothing but bitch since you got here!"

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

Milton Berle

sweetcharmedlife wrote on Feb 14^th, 2012 at 10:09pm:


Curses.......... My Plan has been uncovered!
Never happen, catching any of you guys.........
But I do like this Joke Post.

ALL PUNS INTENDED





1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but 
don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: 
"A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste 
funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to 
look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated 
your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and 
heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in 
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, 
the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to 
a family in  Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in  Spain;
they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth 
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she 
also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've 
seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him 
rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him
(oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed 
by halitosis.
20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there 
was a small medium at large.

An elderly couple are attending church services..



About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband.

It says, "I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"

He scribbles back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant, Not wanting to ruin his
reputetion or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to
Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he
would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and
write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support
payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'Honey', she said, 'You received a very strange post card today'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later' he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and
fainted.

On the card was written:

'Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti,
with three meatballs, two without, send extra sauce!!!