3 New Year's Jokes

On New Year's Eve, a woman stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing.  As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death!

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On New Year's Eve, a man was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home.  As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.  'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer. 'I'm on my way to a lecture,' he answered. 'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' he enquired sarcastically. 'My wife,' he slurred grimly.

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A young man at a New Year’s party turns to his friend and asks for a cigarette. 'I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit smoking,' his friend says. 'I'm in the process of quitting,' the man says. 'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one. ''What's phase one?' 'I've quit buying.'