By Jan Barden
Last Updated: 1:11PM GMT 19 Nov 2008
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/3478053/Family-life-The-tyranny-of-daughters-w...


Georgia May Jagger and Jerry Hall Photo: GETTY
"You aren't thinking of leaving the house dressed like that, are you?"

And so it starts. The nagging over the skirts just a little too short, the heels a tad too high, the make-up a touch heavy-handed or the camouflage combats too shapelessly baggy.

But it's not the mums doing the chivvying ... it's their daughters.

Traditionally, mothers have laid down the law over their offsprings' outfits ever since teenagers were invented: when adolescents no longer had to dress like their grandparents. But now the boot (inevitably ruled either too bondage or too bovver) is on the other foot: our daughters have turned into our wardrobe police, decreeing what we can – and cannot – wear.

No one is immune, not matter how rich, how beautiful, how slender. You might think the glorious Jerry Hall could get away with anything but her 16-year-old daughter Georgia Jagger thinks otherwise. Even with the endless Hall legs, Georgia felt the hemlines had to fall. She acted decisively.

Says Georgia: "I did take all her miniskirts. I told her one night that her skirt was too short, she came down the stairs and I was like, 'God, Mum, you are 50.'"

My own 14-year-old stops short of binning my clothes, they would be precious little left, but can be caustic over my choice of shoes. She also insists on doing an 'Aunt Sally' check, to make sure my blusher is discreet.

When did the teenage tyrants take control? Not all that long ago they had wanted to "be" us, flouncing downstairs in Mummy's best chiffon tea dress, beads hanging limply over babies' bodies, a scarlet gash of lipstick smeared over rosebud lips. Now, not only would they not be seen dead in our gear, they would rather we weren't either.

They are ashamed of us, or at least cripplingly embarrassed. According to a report commissioned by the soft drink giant Fanta (see www.fanta.co.uk/guidetoteenagers), wearing uncool or inappropriate clothing figures right up there in the top ten of parents' worst embarrassing behaviour, along with talking to their friends, kissing or hugging them in public and picking them up outside school.

The guide's author, social behaviour expert Judi James – who has written nine books on body language – reckons this is all just as it should be.

She says: "It's a natural occurrence as it panders to the rebellious teen phase that everyone needs to go through. It's common to have a rebellious child and a critical parent; however, it can work both ways.

"It is known as the 'Absolutely Fabulous' syndrome when you have a parent behaving as a rebellious child and roles are swapped as the teen moves into the role of critical parent.

"This is an act of reverse rebellion. This is perfectly normal so long as the behaviour of the teen sits diagonally to the behaviour of the parent."

But should we care what the adolescents think? Shouldn't we feel free to wear whatever we like, no matter how mutton?

Comedienne Ruby Wax apparently has no intention of being curbed in any way, which is bad news for her three children. She recently told an interviewer: 'I'm a firm believer in humiliating my kids as much as I can. I think if children grow up with a really embarrassing mother, it will shock them into leading a good life and not running wild, getting tattoos and drinking."

But we're not all as flamboyantly extrovert as Ruby. Many women are sweetly grateful for a touch of honesty that can (hopefully) head off a sartorial gaffe on the scale of the Emperor's New Clothes.

Ruth Deighton, mother to Rosie, 15, Eve, 13, Ella, 10, as well as four-year-old Charlie, thinks her girls are a godsend in helping her negotiate the minefield of "appropriate" clothing.

She says: "My girls don't boss me but they will tell me straight how I look and they have an opinion on everything, but they are very kind about it. If they don't think I look nice they will let me know – and especially if they think I look podgy.

"I am very self-critical anyway, so I'm grateful for their opinions and I listen to what they say. It's really fantastic having these daughters! They are very different: the youngest is a girlie-girl so she looks at things from the 'pretty' angle, while the others are more fashion conscious. They all encourage me to stay young and be more fashionable.

"In fact, I'd rather listen to them than my husband! The girls tell the truth, not what they think I want to hear. Once they have said I don't look nice in something, I won't wear it, not even around the house. This isn't a problem – I'm not Mrs Designer so it's not as though I discard £500 sweaters.

"I'm mostly into trousers and tops so it's the colour or shape they take exception to. During our family holiday in Mauritius this summer I threw out two or three tops they didn't think were right for me."

Ruth, 42, who lives with her brood and husband Stephen in Beckenham, Kent, has just earned a degree in psychology so you might think she has some hot tips for subtly influencing teenagers in a similar manner.

Sadly no.

"It doesn't work the other way round," she admits. "I might say something – gingerly – but I think it is mostly ignored. They have to make their own mistakes."

But they aren't going to let us make ours.

Georgia reminds me of an Olsen twin without the eating disorder...