" Later I walked Theresa to her door , where she made it clear I was not going to get past the threshold .
' I Love Nicolas Roeg , ' she said .
' But I love you , ' I whined .
' I love you too , Peeder , ' she laughed , slowly closing the door in my face . ' You are cute , but Nic is the man . He's the Leader , sweetie . ' I did not fail to notice the rhyme .
The door clunked shut . I knocked a few times before giving up . I slumped to the floor . I felt as though I had been speared in the gut with a lance of fire . I remember that pain from my childhood -- when my mother , who needed to work , had tried to leave me with her mother , my wicked witch of a grandmother , when I was ill . Back then I had howled so loud my mother could hear me down the street , and she had come back and took me with her .
Back at my hotel , decades later , I howled again , but this time the only response was the hotel manager , calling to tell me to keep the noise down . I called my driver . I explained I needed cocaine .
' I am fucking dying , ' I moaned .
' Pete , ' he soothed . ' Get a grip . She's just a girl . '

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