" I spent five days climbing the walls and being preached to by Meg's charismatic husband George . His visions for the third world were inspiring ; his Christian faith was infectious , but I felt Meher Baba ( ... as a mystical force ) had never let me down . I just HAD to find a way home , wherever home was .
On my last day in California my minder Alan Rogan and I drove to Laguna for lunch . It was Valentine's Day . Afterwards we walked on the beach . My rehab had taken thirty days , and I was clean at last . Suddenly , in the sand , I spotted one of the brown medicine bottles used by cocaine dealers in the States . The first time I'd ever had one of my own had been on Valentine's Day in 1980 , when I'd asked a friend to get me a supply to help me deal with Theresa Russell's rejection , two years to the very day . I picked up the bottle and unscrewed the black cap . I tasted a tiny amount .
COCAINE
There were about fifteen grams . It must have been thrown into the sea from a boat coming in from Catalina after a booze - cruise . I put the lid back on and tossed it into the waves . Alan looked at me askance .
" What ? " I thought I'd done a good thing .
" You may have given up cocaine , " he said laughing , " but some of us ..................... "

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