" Denny would get me up at five in the morning and she'd pack various items of food prepared the night before , including sponge cakes in baking tins . We'd march to various prearranged assignations , usually with American Air Force officers . There were brief exchanges , Denny passing over a sandwich or a tin , but what she received in return I do not know . I remember large flashy cars with half - opened windows . I also vaguely remember a man I had to call " Uncle " , who was deaf in one ear , staying the night a few times . He had a little Hitler moustache .
The whole affair left me angry and resentful . I've spent years of psychotherapy trying to understand it . In 1982 my therapist urged me to try to push through to some clearer level of recall by writing about these morning exchanges . I started to write , and as I began describing a meeting -- the Air Force officer winding down his window , Denny leaning in -- I suddenly remembered for the first time the back door of the car opening . I began to shake uncontrollably and could not write anymore , or remember anything else . My memory just shut down . "

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